I get asked this from time to time, and I often struggle to put my reasonings into words. I love to write. I also love to talk but that’s another story.
When I gave birth to Harper I had no idea what the next 12 months would entail. Motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt buried under the new emotions that came with it. My sleep deprived state meant I didn’t venture out as much as I thought I would. I had previously envisaged I would be one of the glam mums who turns up at baby groups looking fab, coffee in hand. The ones who lunch at Waitrose and look like they have not a worry in the world. But this was pretty far from the reality. I had gone from being a confident, bubbly socialiser to feeling like a bit of a hermit. It is strange how during maternity leave you can be rarely alone, often even attached to a small being, and yet the loneliness can be consuming.
I felt my former self slipping away, and in its place felt a wave of sadness and anxiety taking over. On occasion, I even found myself wondering why I had longed so much for the role of “mother”. I felt like a failure. Flicking through Instagram feeds of mums with designer outfits, immaculate homes, and perfectly presented children made me feel even worse. It was sometime around four months in that I realised I needed an outlet – a way to express myself. I chose to make it public in the form of a blog because I wanted to share my experiences with other parents that may be feeling like I was. To show the world that it isn’t all baby giggles and coffee dates, and that is okay. To remind us mums that sometimes if all you’ve done in a day is feed your kids and achieved little else, then you’re still winning in my opinion.
Being a mum is bloody hard, and I have had the privilege of meeting some bloomin’ fantastic ones who I am pretty sure feel like they are failing on a weekly basis – but they are actually far from it. My goals for the new year aren’t rigid, but purely that I want to write more and to be a little less hard on myself. We are all doing our best in this crazy journey that is motherhood. So whatever you are going through at the moment, hang in there mama – you got this.
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